Selective Mutism and FaceTime: Practicing With Grandparents

Why Video Calls Are Easier Than In-Person (For Many SM Kids)

Video calls reduce two major selective mutism triggers at the same time: physical proximity and unpredictability. The child stays in their safe space, the call has a known beginning and end, and the screen creates just enough emotional distance to make speaking feel less threatening.

Many kids are more fluent on video than they are in person. That is useful data. It means the difficulty is not a lack of ability. It is context. Home base, one or two familiar faces, and the option for a parent to quietly coach off-camera all make calls surprisingly workable. The call can also end cleanly, without the awkward social exit of a real visit.

Setting Up a Weekly “Brave Call”

Consistency matters more than intensity. A surprise call spikes anxiety because it feels like an ambush. A brave call works because everyone knows when it is happening and what the shape of it will be. Pick one day and time with the grandparents and hold it steady. Start with ten to fifteen minutes, not a long family catch-up.

1. 1. Set a regular day and time with the grandparents.
2. 2. Tell your child in advance: “On Sunday at 3, we call Grandma. You don’t have to talk yet. You just have to be there.”
3. 3. Pick an activity or topic before the call.
4. 4. Brief the grandparents so they know how to keep the pressure low.

Scripts — The Opener, the Middle, the Goodbye

Activities to Do on the Call

Structured activities matter because spontaneous conversation is often the hardest part. If you need more starter phrases while planning these calls, keep your practice scripts nearby.

What to Do When Grandma Asks a Direct Question

Grandparents often ask loving but very hard questions like “So what have you been up to?” Without meaning to, they are asking the child to generate an open-ended answer under pressure. Brief them in advance: closed questions work better. “Did you play outside this week?” is easier than “What did you do this week?”

If a grandparent forgets, rescue gently. Model a short answer and let your child echo if they can. Most important: remind grandparents that a silent child who showed up on the call is still participating. That counts.

Progressing from Video to Audio to In-Person

Calls can be one rung on the larger exposure ladder. A common progression is: video call with cameras on, then audio-only or camera-off, then phone call, then in-person visit once the relationship feels predictable again. You do not need to force this sequence. Let your child choose the next rung when possible.

The point is not to “graduate” from calls as quickly as possible. The point is to use calls as a bridge from silence to connection.

Frequently Asked Questions